Life, eh

Don't know if now is such a good time to be blogging - Sunday evenings are definitely not my best times these days.  It's almost like I used to feel when I was at school and dreading Mondays because I had French that day.  I was scared of the teacher and lived in total fear of being made to write dictation on the blackboard so that it could be used as a template for corrections.  My parents said that they could see me get more and more depressed as Sunday evenings went on.  I feel as bad as that now- and I'm 25 years older!!!  The circumstances have changed, but the depressed feeling hasn't.  I dread going to work because you never know what is going to happen or what the atmosphere will be like.  Some of the people I work with are lovely, and some are not.  The lovely ones make things bearable which is the only way I can make it through the day sometimes. 

Life is supposed to be enjoyable isn't it?  Well if that's the truth can the person who is getting my share please hand it back.  I need an infusion of mental and physical energy, a whole stack of self belief and confidence boosters and a reason to like myself.  Until I get everything off that particular shopping list, I suppose I'll carry on feeling like this and just existing rather than living.  OK that probably sounds so melodramatic, but you know what, it's actually how I feel right now.  I'm so very tired, both physically and mentally, and even little things take a lot of effort these days.  I just want to find a way out of this so that I'm a bit more like the person I used to be - not the one I am now.